You are here

Attachment and trauma aware

Updated Spring 2019.

Showing empathy creates calm

I heard Dr Margot Sunderland speak at a conference in 2016 about helping children in their emotions by showing and demonstrating empathy. She is a powerful advocate for giving empathy to children and shows how this can heal and change children who have experienced trauma and have attachment difficulties. Dr Margot Sunderland is a child psychotherapist and Director of Education and Training at The Centre for Child Mental Health in London. She has published over 20 books in the area of child mental health. In this blog I hope to share some of what she spoke about and hope that it empowers you to be an empathic listener in your responses to children. 

Empathic listening has a healing impact on the brain and mind

It leads to good vagal tone, calming down the heart rate and supporting emotional regualtion. When a child is emotionally regulated, the medulla in the brain is calmed and a trauma response is lessened. 

When I looked into vagal tone (this was something I had not heard about before) I learnt that it is about an internal process in the body involving the vagus nerve which originates from the medulla part of the brain that is a key component of the nervous system operating our heart, lungs and digestion. An increase in vagal tone slows the heart down. So this means that empathy from an adult to a child creates good vagal tone and thus helps the child to calm down and emotionally regalate. 

This week I saw a little girl who was shouting, "Go away, go away!" to an adult. She was loud, vocal and seemed angry. The adult was trying to talk to her and encourage her to come into a room but the child stayed outside the room. There was a meeting going on inside the room and a voice said, "Just ignore her, she gets like that." It was all I could do not to say to the little girl, "Are you feeling cross?" I wanted so much to give her empathy, suggest how she might be feeling and try to reach her in her place of high emotion. I could sense her upset but as a bystander, I could not help. As a practitioner supporting this child I wonder if I could have shown empathy to her and helped her to become calm. 

Given this information, I wonder how many children we can help and affect by simply reacting and responding to them diffferently, with calming empathy?

Trauma in early childhood can cause attachment disorders

Dr Margot Sunderland talked about forms of attachment that children might demonstrate depending on their past experiences and trauma that they might have had. Trauma in a baby or young child can affect the brain development and emotions. She said that a child that has experienced traumatic loss could exhibit signs similar to ADHD or conduct disorder and that this loss could be due to grief, separation, adoption, fostering or abuse. She said that children who experience divorce or separation can move children into insecure attachment.

All behaviour is understandable in the context of what happened to that child

Often a child behaves out of flight or fight response, which is from a part of the brain that is hard to over-ride, particularly in young children and children who find it hard to emotionally regulate. Young children of course also find it hard to self regulate because they are learning about feelings and emotions. It is easy to see how early experiences, empathy, trauma and loss all can have such significant impact on how the brain learns to respond in emotion.

The amygdala part of the brain can be triggered to react by an incident that a child experiences which then takes the child back into their traumatic experience. For example, this might happen if a child is shouted at, or if someone is taken away from them. This is a core feeling when the child responds by fight or flight and they might demonstrate panic or anger or aggression.

In this heightened emotion, a child who is responded to with empathy, listening and responding by validating the child's emotions will feel contained and will be helped to calm down. Children might often be expected to be in control of their emotional regulation but when something triggers that amygdala part of the brain from a traumatic past experience, there is no reason or rationalisation. There is no ability to regulate in that moment. There is just a huge surge of emotion which has to be expressed. 

Being attachment aware 

I was very encouraged to hear that repair and healing can happen if adults provide empathic responses, play and attunement. I felt that we can help to make a difference. Dr Margot Sunderland recommends that schools (and I would add all settings) must help to build up the child's self. Being attachment and trauma aware as practitioners can help in this process.

If we can support children to regulate then they can calm down and strong emotions will lessen or be controlled. Otherwise it is possible that in later life, the child will turn to other sources to help calm down, like drugs and alcohol. We can also help to support children to learn about alternative responses for stress, giving them other options to stimulate endorphins to help them feel good. For example, running, being outside in a green space and music can all induce oxytocin which is a feel good factor and an excellent alternative to a stress response. 

A recent joint paper by Adoption UK and NAHT Understanding attachment difficulties is being sent to all schools following recent NICE guidance (October 16) on attachment difficulties. Let us hope that becoming more attachment aware, attuning to children and giving them empathic responses can help in their journey towards help and healing. 

A must listen to link

Further reading and resources

To be able to understand what a child is trying to communicate is the most satisfying feeling one can have. There is no kid or situation that is hopeless; it is simply a matter of us taking a step back to assess what language is being spoken. Kids and adults from traumatic and dysfunctional childhoods often speak the language of hurt, pain, loss and mistrust. We need to put our preconceptions aside to be receptive to their communication. Only then can we truly understand their needs.

Some of our Associates have expertise in this area and can provide training, please contact us to find out more. 

Please let us know if you are an Attachment Aware school, we would love you to email us about your work in this area.